We all want to find the right partner or be the right partner, it’s human nature. But sometimes it can be tricky to find the right one and to some it might not. There’s a saying in English that goes ‘you attract what you want’, and believe it or not that phrase is powerful and helpful. When we are looking to be with someone there are aspects or questions of ourselves we need to look at first before we get committed or be involved in a relationship.
I think first we will tackle at least 3 questions we need to answer so that we can be open minded.
1. Who is your ideal partner?
Do you know the ideal person you want to be with? Because if you don’t, how do you expect to find him or her? Before you set out to accomplish a goal, you must know what the goal is. Clarity creates direction. It helps you know what you going after.
Of course you won’t know everything about your potential partner, but you do have an idea of what type of person is a good fit for you. Perhaps you want to be with someone who wants to make a difference in the world? Or you want a family oriented person? Are you looking for someone that wants to take you on adventures? Anything you desire is fine – you just have to claim that you want it! Right now, make a list of what you want in a potential partner. Answer the following questions to get clear on what you’re looking for.
What qualities does my ideal partner have?
What does it feel like to be with him or her?
What attributes are most important to me?
The clearer you are about the person you want to be with, the more likely he or she will come to you.
2. Are you a match for your ideal partner?
Now that you have made a list of who you want to be with, you have to make sure you are a match to this person.
In relationships, we attract people who match who we are. They mirror back the qualities that we have, and our beliefs about relationships. Sometimes we think a relationship is meant to fill in the holes of our life and that a partner is the key to what’s missing, and I did that huge mistake. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. A relationship isn’t going to fill in the gaps of your life instead it’s going to enhance the feelings that are already there.
Right now, take a look at the list you made about your ideal partner and ask yourself: Am I being the qualities that I listed? Am I being the person that I attract in?
Circle any qualities that you’re not actively embodying, and make a point of being more of that person today. Be who you want to attract, and the right person will absolutely make his or her own way to you.
3. Are you treating yourself the way you want to be treated?
Last, but definitely not least, you must treat yourself the way you want the potential or current partner to treat you. Since your partner mirrors back how you feel about yourself, you have to love yourself before the right partner arrives!
Don’t wait for a relationship to feel beautiful or handsome, adored, cared for, cherished and so fourth. Feel this way now, and you’ll find someone who feels this way about you too!
Right now, make a list of how you want to be treated in a relationship and ask yourself: Am I treating myself this way? Am I complementing myself? Am I kind and understanding to myself? Am I taking myself to places that I love? Am I proud of myself and the way I’m living my life?
I know it can be hard to believe, but people will only going to give you the amount of love that you give to yourself. Love yourself deeply, and you will love another who will love you deeply too.
Remember: a relationship is an enhancement of who you already are. Find love on the inside and you find love on the outside too.
Writer: Vuyiswa Tsautse